Have to get this off my chest...

So. I'm never late. You know, as in the monthly thing. I am, as a rule, always several days early. I don't have a 28 day cycle. I tend to swing more toward 21 days. And so... when I'm 3 days late for the date as predicted via mycycle which runs on a 28 day prediction cycle... then I'm really more like running on almost a week late.

...this is so fucking ridiculous I cannot even say.

I am waffling between freaking out and thinking... ok, seriously. You've got a few twinges of what could be cramps so chill out. It's far more likely that this is some sort of peri-menopause related bullshit than it is that you somehow fell victim to the Vasectomy Baby thing.

And... it is.

I still can't help it that at this stage I'm running to the bathroom PRAYING for a sign. And that I'm contemplating buying A Test.

jesusfuckingod.

I do not have room in my life anywhere for this. ANYwhere. (and I will not give voice to the really fucked up part of me that is kinda/sorta a little bit giddy about it. go away giddy, there is no room for YOU here either)

I'm exhausted beyond reason, I've had abdominal distress issues all week. Shit part is--these are also typical pms symptoms for me so who the hell knows.
ohmygod.

I don't even have words for the extreme level of freak-out this is sending me to.

I can't believe I LAUGHED when logging in to mycycle to log last month's round and I noticed that I had ovulated around the time I went sex crazy & we went at it like bunnies for the 5 day period around ovulation. I LAUGHED & thought. Oh, god. That explains the out-of-the-blue gotta have it lust I guess.

Oh my god.
I laughed.

It's so not funny now.

So. Here's me. Currently praying to a god that may or may not exist. Please let me log on tomorrow all shame-faced and say "Ha ha ha--god, how embarassing! Peri-menopause! False alarm!" Please please please...